to the beginning
by TFRiD Queen
Summary: Future-AU; how do you continue to have hope, in the face of loss and insurmountable odds? Told in both the present and past, about only one out of an infinite number of possibilities for the future. (Adam x Sio)
1. NOW--little star

**A/N: Originally posted to my tumblr (shooter-nobunagun), this is collected into 'arcs' over there, but here I've decided to consolidate them into one entire story, combining both arcs. The two arcs take place 'before' and 'after' a certain event, so they will be differentiated by either 'THEN' or 'NOW' in the chapter titles. Also, they will be written in past and present-tense, respectively. I've put them together in the chronological order in which they were written/posted; reading it as such will give you a slightly different experience than if you read the arcs separately on Tumblr.**

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><p>He wakes with a start, in a cold sweat because he already knows how this dream—no, nightmare, is going to end. Because it always ends the same way. At this point, it's just a memory that refuses to die, to be buried in the depths of his mind, along with the countless tragedies that have happened before, and after.<p>

Because it has already happened.

"_Tou-san, tou-san, daijoubu desu ka?_" Eyes blinking, he realizes that she's standing at the edge of his bed, from the looks of it not too long, those large, maroon orbs peering down worriedly, the bunny clutched tightly in her arms.

_She looks so much like her…_ His chest aches and he tries not to let it show. But of course she would; after all, she is their daughter, and she is no less inquisitive, perhaps even more so, than her mother.

"Yeh, 'm all right…" He sits up and pulls the covers aside and she clambers onto the bed, clutching his wrinkled shirt with her tiny hands—_so fragile, so delicate_—before he hugs her tight. "Hey, what's wrong, sweetie?"

"I-I had a scary dream…I-I, I dreamed that I was…h-hurting p-people, and I had th-this giant, scary-looking knife…and then it started raining red rain…"

He doesn't say anything, only holds her tighter because he knows exactly what she is talking about; to be plagued by the memories of your past life, until you no longer have a grip on what is real and not-real, who you even are anymore.

"I-I…does that mean that one day, I'm…gonna start hurting people too?"

It's simply the innocence of a child, but it pierces his heart all the same. "_No!_ No, of course not, it's…'s only a nightmare; a dream, they're not real…I swear, I'll never let that happen…your fate, I promise it won't be the same as mine…" She can only blink in wonder as he brushes her snow-like hair soothingly, rocking her in his arms. To think that even a child like her would suffer as he did, as they did…

_This 'gift'…it's not a blessing, it's a curse…_

"Mmm…_nee, tou-san_, did you…were you having a nightmare, too?" What did he say about being inquisitive? Her eyes are enormous, pools of maroon that are only slightly red from being woken abruptly.

"Yea…heh, even yer _tou-san_ gets those too… Say, is your brother—"

"—_nii-chan_ was fast asleep; I didn' wanna wake him again…"

"Ah. I see." Once again he is struck at the similarities between mother and daughter, and he is glad, even though right now, it is causing him pain.

"…Were you dreaming about Mummy again?"

"…Yeah…"

"…can we go visit her?"

"…actually, tha's not a bad idea…"

"Ah, Mr. Jack, good…evening…" The guard on duty greets him with a surprised, but polite welcome as he casually flashes his pass, the gesture routine by now. Despite the clock flashing '01:00' as soon as they enter the main chamber, she does not seem sleepy at all, instead head turning every which way as he carries her in his arms.

_"…Oh? What a surprise, little one…is it not past your bedtime?"_ There is no mistaking that mechanical tone, even now, without the roiling air bubbles that he was so accustomed to in his younger days. The joints creak, and a bit of dust drifts onto the steel-plated floor. Even now…that voice, though completely neutral and always dictated by logic, causes the anger that ever since that day, has never stopped smoldering, to slowly fan into larger and larger flames.

She is not affected, however, instead her eyes grow wide and he sets her down, nearly tripping over her own feet—perhaps she'll never grow out of her clumsiness—to go and say hi to the ancient figure, who casts what can only be described as genuine curiosity at the child.

"Mr. Bunnyman! Are you feeling bet'er today?" The plush version, or at least, the closest one they could find, being held up for examination, as if to earn its approval.

_"I seem to be doing all right; I appreciate your concern, little one."_ Truth be told, they all know that it will not last much longer, not unless it can return to stasis. But that is no longer an option…_"You are not tired?"_

He is already standing in front of her, before she runs back up and the eerie glow casts a neon-hue on her face. "Mmm, a lil'…but _tou-san_ said we could visit Mummy, just for a bit…"`

_"…I see…" _The man and the figure, they do not address each other; not anymore, unless it is out of sheer necessity. Though he has long since learned to hold his tongue and temper, there is no guarantee that it will not surface again, late at night, and after reliving that memory…

_'—Shit! No, Sio, SIO—!'_ _ '—it is the only way we have any chance of even—'_ _'—don't give me that bullshit, you can't just—you can't take her away!'_

It seems to be particularly bad tonight, though there have not been any triggers, not for a while. And even then, it has been nearly five whole years since that day…

If it were not for the fact that there is still a sliver of hope, no matter how small, that she will revive, he would smash the cylinder in a heartbeat with his knife, and steal her back. The only small victory he held that day was the demand that she not be exposed to whomever would be wandering around, and much to his surprise, the Commander had relented without argument—one last shred of pity, perhaps? The dress will probably be rendered useless at some point, the white fabric already starting to tatter slightly at the edges—but for now, at least, it seems like she is just taking a very, very long rest.

A sleep that has no wake up time, or even a guarantee of one.

"_Nee_, doesn't Mummy's hair seem a little longer than last time?" Face pressed against the glass, as if trying to see as much as she can, even though she's seen her hundreds of times since. "She's always so pretty…right, _tou-san_?"

"Hmm…yeh, like a princess, no?"

'Uh huh! Like Sleeping Beauty! Except…she won't wake up with just a kiss…will she?"

"…No…"

"…A-are you…sure? M-maybe, if you tried now—"

It comes a shock, the urge to break, but he can't, not here, and not in front of her. Of course he'd tried…they'd all tried, every single option that was even possible had already been long thought of, but the end result is what is floating in front of them. "…No sweetheart, I, we've—" For some reason, he cannot bring himself to say those words tonight, even though she too, has heard it many, many times before.

"I am very sorry child, but I'm afraid it will take more than a kiss from Prince Charming to wake your mother," and it is the interlocutor who comes up from the shadows, his immortality affording him the ability to function without much rest, if at all. "Hello, Jack." He nods towards the two, the glow creating a glint along the glasses he always wears.

"St. Germain…" It is more of a mutter under the breath than a true greeting, but it would be rude to ignore someone that has directly made a greeting towards him. Patting her gently on the head, he scoops her back up into his embrace, his height now allowing her to be eye-level with the floating angel in stasis. "C'mon, it's time to say good night now, we should be gettin' back to sleep." It isn't that he has anything against the man personally, but it has become difficult to disassociate any member of command from this, this…cage, that she must remain in. The more they gather, the more his despair threatens to spill out.

She stares at him dolefully with those large, watery maroons of her, clearly upset at the hastily-shortened visit. "B-but…_tou-san_, can't we stay just a little longer? Pleease? Just…five more minutes…" It doesn't take much, just a slight wobble in her chin and an extra sheen in her gaze, and he relents without saying a word. He is never good at saying no to them…not then, and not now.

"Perhaps you'd like some hot chocolate, before retiring?" He swears the man must possess some other secret ability other than immortality, for suddenly he is there, bearing a tray with two steaming mugs, the bittersweet scent giving rise to a wave of nostalgia so strong, he has to lean slightly against the glass, eyes closed.

Why now, of all times… That memory of him finding out the meaning of White Day for the first time…and the outcome a month later; from then on, they always chose to celebrate it a month later than everyone else—

_'cause well, it'll be more…special, that way…', she'd blushed shyly as she handed him a small box._

"_Tou-san_, are you…okay?" Too late, he realizes that the mug has remained untouched for the last five minutes, while he has been reminiscing of a past that will never return. "You looked like you were…hurting…" A sensitive child, able to instinctively sense the feelings of others, even if she does not quite understand them yet.

He takes the mug with hands that are trembling just slightly, before either of them can question him any further. "I am…just, thinking…" She bites her lips like she's about to say something, staring at him so intently that for a second he thinks it's her, but then she blinks and puts the now-empty cup back onto the waiting tray.

"That's right, Miss Nobunagun enjoyed hot chocolate quite often, didn't she?" The finished mugs are collected and somehow they disappear when he turns around again; there must be something going on that he's not aware of, and now the bundle in his arms is yawning, snuggling against his shoulder as her eyelids droop.

"I think someone's sleepy…say good night?" His tone carries just a touch of teasing, for who was it that had asked for another five minutes?

"Mmmm mmm…_oyasumi_, Mr. Bunnyman, St. Germain…_oyasumi, kaa-san_…"

_"Sleep well, little one…and you as well…Adam…"_

_I'll be back…Sio…_

The breezeway's windows must have been cleaned recently, for they are so transparent that it almost seems like they are walking among the clouds themselves, the brilliant moon on display with the countless twinkling stars. Suddenly she pops up a with gasp, startling him.

"What're you—aren't you asleep?" Luckily his reflexes are still quick, and she is still small enough.

"It's a shooting star! _Nii-chan_ said, if you make a wish when you see one, it'll come true! I'm going to wish real hard for Mummy to wake up soon…" She squeezes her eyes shut, brows furrowing in utmost concentration, despite the late hour. It takes her about ten seconds before she squints out a peek, and then another five seconds later she slowly opens her eyes again. "D'you think that…worked?"

How is that one moment she can exhibit a maturity and instinct far beyond her years, and the next, revert to the blissful ignorance of a child? Then again, she was just like that as well… "…Well, 'f it does, guess we'll find out tomorrow, eh?" Though he hasn't raised his voice, his tone carries that of no more questions—not tonight.

Then it's all silence again until at last he reaches the room she shares with her brother, who is no doubt snoozing away without a care in the world—they always joke that nothing short of an all-out attack on the base would wake him, and even then, only if it were close by enough. To his surprise, she does not let go.

"_Ano_…can I sleep with you tonight? A-and, uh…Mr. Bunny as well…" she quickly adds, not wanting her fluffy friend to feel left out.

Despite everything, he feels the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. "…Sure. But," and he looks at her seriously, "you'll have to make sure Mr. Bunny doesn't end up jammed in my face. Deal?"

She nods solemnly. "Deal."

He pats her on the head. "Good girl."

As they walk back, he catches the tail end of another shooting star—this time too small to catch her attention, but he notices anyway. Even though it's only a little star.

And yet, maybe it is the little ones that make your dreams come true.


	2. THEN--confrontation and a dogfight

**A/N: An on-going collection posted originally to my tumblr (shooter-nobunagun), however I thought I'd repost here as well. This takes place in a possible future, where the war is still on-going against the EIOs. Takes place in 'past tense'.**

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><p>She woke to the sound of a low buzzing—her personal comm, no doubt—trust command to ensure that all holders would be reachable 247, regardless of whether or not they were finally getting more than 5 hours of sleep each night because well, you try sleeping comfortably when your stomach was larger than a beach ball. Next to her, a mane of white shifted slightly, though he made no move to answer it.

Damn. Well, since she was awake…might as well. Groaning, she stretched a hand out from underneath the warm covers and with bleary eyes, attempted to decipher the glowing text.

_URGENT! Miss Nobunagun, your presence is required for today's mission brief. Please report in at 0800 sharp._

"Uugh…what the hell, I thought I was excused from missions by now…something must be up…" Frowning, she set the device down and sighed, debating whether or not she even wanted to argue with command.

"Prolly just want yer opinion or somethin'," a yawn, followed by a kiss. "Mornin'…y'sleep all right?" He mussed her hair, before patting the large bump.

"Ehh…guess so…I swear, she kicks so much more than her brother did." As if to prove her point, the baby kicked again, much to his delight (but not exactly hers). "Hey, you try carrying around a kid for 9 months—trust me, it can get pretty old after a while…"

"Naaah…I think someone's just grumpy this morning 'cause she has to dress up for a meeting, for once." He teased, before helping her up. "I seem to remember someone spending hourstrying to catch the movement on film the first time around…?"

"Th-that was only because my parents were insisting! Now, are you going to help me or not?!" Flustered, she only managed to do the top buttons, before giving up and letting him handle the rest.

"Riight. You keep tellin' yerself that…" Satisfied with his handiwork, he handed her the jacket (the altered version to fit around her figure) and stepped out the door.

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><p>"—<em>NO<em>—I'm sayin' it right now, she stays put—"

"—Jack please, listen to me—"

"—I _am_ listenin' you piece of shit, and th' way I see it, the risks are much too high to even—"

The meeting hadn't even been underway for more than five minutes, and already a fist-fight was threatening to break out between the two men—the reincarnation of one Françoise Vidocq versus an odd amalgamation of Jack the Ripper and Florence Nightingale. Who also happened to be her husband. Warily, she cast a sideways glance at Gandhi, who could only give her a long-suffering sigh. Great, just what she needed on a Monday morning—another headache right before yet another critical mission. Jack had already been briefed days earlier, so why did they need her here again?

Oh right, because a certain William Tell and the Sixth Platoon had been unable to accomplish the previous mission on time; as it stood now, they had only just reached the primary goal, and who knew how long it would take to wrap up the secondary ones? Maternity leave or not, when the fate of the world was on the line, you didn't pull any punches. Still…this was not going to be like the beginning of her pregnancy, when the baby was barely a noticeable weight yet; second one or not, she tired easily, and there was no way she was going to be able to be as dexterous or quick. Not to mention the risks at this stage, should something go wrong…

"_Enough!_ Vidocq, back off, Jack, you stand down," a cane thumped once onto the floor, and the entire room grew silent. Commander Iyo, who rarely left the command center nowadays due to her advanced age, apparently had deemed it serious enough to come down and take the lead. "Miss Nobunagun, I'll keep it brief; while we are entirely aware of your condition—"

"—_bullshit,_" a muttered growl, though the Commander chose to ignore it,

"regrettably, there is no other way to achieve this mission successfully without a sniper-class holder. Not one that would minimize the casualties as we've planned…"

She grit her teeth; she knew the commander was right, hell, the mission had been a joint operation between her and Vidocq, and of course it had to hinge on a sniper's ability to shoot out a tiny piece of flesh in between the armored plates. How were they supposed to know that Tell wouldn't be available?

She couldn't. She had to. After all…wasn't this why they were still fighting? Even after all these years…she had to hope, that someday, her son (and soon, daughter) would know the world they had grown up in, before the constant fear of Invasion Objects permeated the entire atmosphere, people living as if every day could be their last. Clearing her throat, she stood up, all eyes on her now.

"I understand, Commander. As such…I think, if we can make a few minor adjustments right away, I…should be all right out there—"

"—Sio—" She silenced him with a single glare, one that said 'I'll talk to you later', and he stepped back into the shadows, fingers digging into fists.

"—As I was saying; first, I'll need to be transported to the top; there's no way I'll have the energy or speed to make it in time, and secondly, I'd like to add Newton to the ground squad, as an extra time buffer."

The Commander took it all in without a single word, nodding at each request. "Done. Cyx is available, and I'll postpone Newton's patrol deployment until after this mission. Very well then, if we are finished here, everyone is dismissed to begin preparations right away." The light switched on, and all the other holders filed out of the room, talking amongst themselves about the last-minute additions. As soon as the room was nearly empty, she pulled him by the collar to a quieter corner, never mind their height difference. He followed without a word, though she could tell he was upset.

The silence seemed deafening, until they both decided to start talking at once.

"I know you're against this—"

"—obviously, the hell y'think you're doing goin' out there like this, it's far too dangerous—"

"—you think I don't know that? But I know the plan, I made the plan, and this is the only way it'll succeed—"

"—doesn't mean I have to like it—"

"—you don't have to; but please, Ja—_Adam_; I need you to trust me on this; even if you disagree…"

He sighed heavily, having already resigned the moment Vidocq's mouth opened. "I know; and I hate it when yer right." Without even caring that someone could be watching, he swept her into a kiss, much to her surprise. "I just hate it when I can't be around to protect you two…"

"Oh Adam…" She understood that sentiment; it was something she had to work very hard to get over, at first. "You're just…overreacting…"

"Am not," a complaint, almost childishly so, like when they were young.

"Well okay, maybe not, but…I'll be fine. Really. Cyx can carry me up most of the way, and we chose the ledge specifically because it'll be out of the way…if anything, I should be telling you to be careful. You're leading the rush squad, after all…"

"Tch. Nothin' I can't handle…"

"_Adam…_" Her lips twisted into that pout, because he could still be so recklessly insane sometimes—

"I know I know, I'll watch myself; don't worry, 'specially if yer adding' Jess back into the mix…it'll be just like old times again…"

"Don't worry Sio-chan, I'll be watching his back as well, in case he, you know, does something stupid again," she turned and Gandhi was there, as if asking what was taking the two of them so long. As the three turned to leave, she suddenly thought she felt a rumble from Oda Nobunaga run down her spine…

Was it a warning of what was to come…? But no…she was simply just overthinking things. It was riskier than they'd originally calculated, but it was still doable.

As long as things went according to plan.

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><p>Most women would probably balk at the idea of being stuffed into a suit of armor, and then being ferried on the back of a woman-turned-motorcycle who liked to take corners at high speeds. Then again, most women who were heading into their 6th month of pregnancy would probably never consider going into a war zone, let alone taking to the field.<p>

But they needed a sniper; what else could she do?

_'I swear, when we get back, Tell owes me big…again…'_ she thought venomously as she took a breather, her swollen belly making it difficult to maintain the strenuous pace for long. Cyx had done all she could in getting her as far as she did, but even she couldn't navigate the dense thickets that covered the perch on this particular cliffside. To make matters worse, she could no longer sidle on her stomach as she was used to, instead have to aim as best she could on top of a hollowed-out boulder.

_"Miss Nobunagun. Are you in position?"_ The mic crackled to life, Galileo's squeaky voice patching through.

"Ugh…yeah, I'm as good as I'll ever be…and tell Jack to quit griping and get into his position already, the sooner we take down this bastard, the sooner he can stop panicking himself into a—"

_"—I'm not panicking, I'm just concerned—!"_ a harsh voice cut into the conversation, to nobody's surprise. "_By all means, yeh shouldn't even be out here, when I see Tell's face I'm gonna give it to him—"_

_"Adam,"_ she used her warning tone, the 'don't-start-this-again-with-me' one that was usually reserved for when he was getting too worked up over her condition.

That, or when she was threatening to withhold sex.

_"…I'm in position."_

_"All right. Now, if we are done with any and and all marital issues,"_ a snort from Gandhi on one of the other mics, _"let's get started."_ The Commander herself taking to the reigns on this operation, there could be no mistakes allowed in one as important as this, especially with one of their key holders more than halfway through her second pregnancy. _"Galileo, what's the status of the Object?"_

_"Moving steadily, it should be within range in the next minute~su!"_

_"Good. Rush squad, get ready to move out."_

_"Aye aye, Commander."_

_"Nobunagun?"_

"I have it in my sights." 4x, then 10x, the zoom was now focused on a singular pinpoint, right between the top and bottom neck plates. As soon as it took a single step forward…the top sliding just enough to expose that fleshy spot—

_"It's a direct hit~su! B-but, wait—!"_ Just as she was about to congratulate herself for a job well done, the spotter's panicky voice cut back in. _"Oh no, it's getting back up! The shot—we must've miscalculated the forced necessary to rupture the armor in one shot!"_

"Fuck!" She swore into the mic, feeling incredibly useless. Great. So much for Plan A… "Dammit, sorry Jack, you guys'll have to take out at close range! I'll try and do as much damage as I can from afar."

The ledge was far, but she was able to get a decent bird's eye view of the battle below. Gandhi, taking his position as defender, and Newton supporting Jack…it would be okay, they would be able to finish the job—

_"—ARGH—!"_

_"Gandhi!"_ The figures below suddenly started scrambling, one of them falling to his knees while the other charged straight into the beast, only to be met with its spike-covered tail—

_"Jack! Jack!"_ Newton rushing up behind to help him from being overrun by the dozens of smaller Objects that were now seemingly being born from the gaping hole in the beast's side…

_"—to your left flank, it's—"_ She could hear his grunts of pain over the radio chatter as he swung the bladed claw, sending bits and pieces flying. Shit…they were getting overwhelmed…and long-range sniping wouldn't be fast enough, not at this range…

_But if I fired short-range bursts…_ In a split second she'd made up her mind.

_'If you are seized by fear, change, for it means you are doing something wrong…'_ Instantaneous changes on the battlefield were nothing hadn't managed before..

"—stay where you are, I'm coming—"

_"NO! Th' fuck y'think yer doin', you can't—!"_

Too late, she was huffing her way down the slope as fast as she could, baby and all. _'Please…hang in there just a little longer!'_

It was totally illogical, incredibly dangerous, and had there been anyone else with her, they probably would've stopped her. But as it stood, she wasn't going to lose him…not by a long shot.

"—Adam, don't—!" God dammit, how was it that after all these years he still insisted on charging in headfirst, despite being severely injured already, blood covering nearly every part of what remained of his armor. The only reason he was still conscious was probably out of sheer stubbornness—

_Just a few more meters…and then aim…_

She didn't even see it coming; only when a searing pain announced itself along her entire left side, and when her vision filled with the grit of dirt and blood—and the baby, oh god what about the baby was she going to be—a spasm of pain in her abdomen, and she couldn't help but cry out—

"—SIO!"


	3. NOW--so, good Night

**A/N: 'Present-tense'; partly a songfic with lyrics to "so...Good night" by Acid Black Cherry.**

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><p>It's late, and she should really be getting to sleep; but for some reason, it does not come easily tonight, not even with Mr. Bunny tucked safe and sound, and her brother's eyes already half-closed.<p>

"'Ey, you two squirts should've been asleep an hour ago…" he sighs as she remains sitting up, fluffing her pillow for the umpteenth time.

"But _tou-san_, the sun's not even sleeping yet…" She points to the purplish sky that is still tinged orange around the sun, and he has to admit, she has a point. The _Alex Logan_ now crossing the Arctic Circle as it continues its path across the sky, giving its occupants the rare experience of a 'midnight sun' for the next few days. Even though the clocks read five minutes past midnight, it just doesn't seem so.

He has to turn away so she doesn't see him secretly grinning, because sometimes she just says the darndest things.

Like another person, who used to do it all the time.

_[The color of the distant sky gradually changes from orange to purple_  
><em>After you wave to the dancing bats, let's go home<em>  
><em>On the nights when the new moon smiles, and the days when the rain falls in sorrow<em>  
><em>I am filled with affection when I think of you]<em>

"Well, yes, that may be true, but I don't think the sun needs much sleep, unlike you," he chides firmly as he closes the curtains, blocking out the remaining glow. A chorus of disappointment rings out from both children as the sun disappears.

"_Tou-san_! But it was so pretty…"

"Isn't it supposed to be a rare event?"

Now both of them are wide awake, and from the looks of it, neither of them are going to settle for sleeping unless they can see the sun. Most of the time, he can handle the two of them; but other times, like right now, he just wishes that once again, he doesn't have to handle it all alone.

It was easier when she was still around. Would no doubt be a lot easier. But she isn't, and no amount of griping is going to change that. Rubbing his temples, he stands his ground anyway, despite their looks of dismay.

"No, because if I leave it open, then neither of you'll get any sleep, and tomorrow morning I'm going to have two very grumpy, very sleep-deprived kids on my hands. Besides, the sun'll still be like this tomorrow, 's not goin' away anytime soon." For some reason, he is struck with the memory of the first time she saw such an event happen on the _A. Logan_; she'd only just joined, the newbie of the team still, and the phenomenon fascinated her to no end. She'd even braved the high winds on the outer decks with that crappy old phone of hers, taking pictures until he was sure she'd run out of memory.

_'Look, Jack-san! Have you ever seen anything like it?' _

_'Eh, this ain't the first time it's happened…' he tries to act nonchalant, though he has to admit her enthusiasm is rather infectious, as he feels a grin creeping up his face. _

_'Still…it's so beautiful! All the colors like that…and how the sun doesn't actually set…' At this point she's just leaning against the railing, the colors washing over her face and is it just him or does she seem much more mature all of a sudden? _

_'Oy, watch yerself on that edge, squirt…' he pulls her back a little, not that she can't handle herself, but sometimes he worries about her clumsiness. To his surprise, she laughs. 'Tch, what're you laughin' about…' _

_She tries to muffle her giggles in her sleeve. 'Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it…but just…you're actually a pretty nice guy, aren't you?' _

_He feels his cheeks flushing and he hopes she will think it is just the sun's rays. 'Wh-what're you talking about? I better not hear you spreadin' weird rumors about me…' _

_But secretly, he wishes that she will keep smiling like that._

There were many more midnight suns after the first one, and yet each and every time, she reacted the same way, as if each one was a moment to be treasured. Eventually, he began looking forward to them as well, not so much because he cared about the sun, but because it gave him an excuse to see her so happy, so carefree.

_[Looks like you're in a really good mood today_  
><em>Did something good happen to you?<em>  
><em>I really want to hear "your story" of today<em>  
><em>When you talk as if it's so much fun, that makes me happy<em>  
><em>When you laugh, it turns into my smile]<em>

"Aww…fine…" Sighing, the two reluctantly tunnel under the blankets again, although he has a feeling that sleep is the last thing on their minds. Especially his daughter, who looks like she's about to cry.

"Oy oy, what's with the tears? Don't tell me y'really wanna sleep with the sun shining in?" Next to her, his son is already handing his little sister a tissue. He's always taking care of her—from the moment she was born, and though he was but barely three at the time, has somehow instantly assumed the extra responsibility of caring her for without their mother.

"Well yeah, she was looking forward to this event all week you know, ever since Auntie Jess told her about it," he states matter-of-factly, wiping his sister's face.

Great. Now he feels like a terrible father; one that punished his kids for no reason. "All right…I'll keep 'em open. Didn't know you were lookin' forward to it so much…" Though in hindsight, he shouldn't have been surprised. She takes so much after her mother, there are times that it feels almost more like a curse, a grim reminder of his failures, rather than a miracle. He crosses the room in two strides, and once again he is greeted with those shades of orange and purple. "This better now?"

"Uh huh…" She nods slowly as he pats her head and gives them each a hug.

"No more crying, 'right? An' you two better get some sleep, or else tomorrow, I'm shutting the curtains."

_[Today, you seem sad somehow, do your tears just refuse to stop coming?_  
><em>To make your tears stop, they say you should just cry them out, you know<em>  
><em>I may not be able to give you my understanding<em>  
><em>But I do want to know, even if just a little<em>  
><em>What's in your heart…what pains you have… ]<em>

"_Nee, tou-san_, tell me a story?" He's not even halfway to the door before she utters her request.

"A story? Whatever happened to sleeping?" Still, he supposes he does owe her for being insensitive earlier. "What about your brother? Isn't he tired?"

"Yeah, but I like stories, too."

Why is he not surprised. Then again, it isn't often that he has the time anymore to indulge them like this, to act like they are a proper family, one that is not tied up with the likes of EIOs and DOGOO and e-genes. "Which one?"

"Hmmm…how about, the one where you and Mummy met for the first time?" Both of them nod rather enthusiastically at this choice.

"Again? Haven't I told you that story…countless times now?" He blinks at the two in disbelief, surely they've memorized it, given the number of times they've requested it.

"But, it's my favorite one…it's just, the way you and Mummy met…it's so romantic!" She clutches Mr. Bunny and pretends he's a princess so she can sweep him off his feet.

He'd hardly consider 'getting stabbed by an Invasion Object and then one-upped by the girl he would eventually fall in love with' romantic. Still, if it was that story they wanted…

"Okay…well, you know, at the time, Mummy was still a student and so they went on a class trip to Taiwan…"

"Kaohsiung, right?"

"Yes, that's right; see, you guys already know this story!" He mock-complains to the two.

"But it's not the same as hearing it from you! Pleeaaassseee!" Argh, a double puppy-dog eye attack…there's no way he can resist that. So he tells them, of how the schoolgirl-turned-national-hero came about, all because he was foolish enough to dive in headfirst into a wave of Objects, not even waiting for backup. He'd been much brasher, always preferring to charge straight in, not even thinking about the consequences. The recklessness of youth…to an extent, Gandhi and Newton joked that he still had it, and it was their job to keep an eye on him, but certainly, having two kids whom depended on you, needed you to stay alive…it did curb his rash tendencies. Somewhat. He unconsciously rubs the scar that's now become a permanent fixture, having been ripped apart again and again. The last time it happened, Hunter had warned him that it was likely he'd suffer permanent nerve damage, the scar tissue simply having been torn into too many times.

_'Yeh'll probably be in pain fer the rest 'o yer life…not constantly, but it'll flare up…time t' time…'_

"And then Mummy became Nobunagun, Japan's 'Second Rising Sun'!" They both cheer a little when they get to the part where she's bestowed one of the greatest honors in her home country, by the Emperor himself, no less. He smiles at their spirit.

"And you're England's 'Dark Angel', right _tou-san_?" He cringes a little at that…whimsical nickname the press quickly bestowed upon him after learning about the truth behind Jack the Ripper, but he supposes it is better than 'infamous killer' or 'murderer'.

"Yeh…let's not talk about that. In any case, you two," he eyes their yawning mouths and blinking eyes, "look like yer about to fall over any second now." He makes sure they're both tucked in (and so is Mr. Bunny), kiss each one on the cheek, (and for her, an extra one on the forehead and wiping away any last traces of tears). "Now get to sleep; I'm serious, the two of you'll be tired as is tomorrow morning." Surprisingly, they both seem to fall into a slumber, even with the unusual glow.

"…Good night, you two…"

_[so…Good night._  
><em>On your hair, kiss, on your eyelids, kiss, stringing up a tale in the starless night<em>  
><em>My angel Lovely angel, a gently whispered lullaby<em>  
><em>Night-night Kiss Careless Kiss<em>  
><em>Hey, close your eyes and go toward a wonderful tomorrow<em>  
><em>My angel Lovely angel, I'll sing for you until you fall asleep…<em>  
><em>A tender Kiss, for tomorrow Kiss, a soft kiss on your damp cheek<em>  
><em>Good night Kiss, hey, Kiss Kiss<em>  
><em>So you don't cry anymore…]<em>

"Good night, Daddy…"

_/Lyrics translation courtesy of Kiku at papersnow; unfortunately, her site is no longer valid but credit shall be given where it's due._


	4. THEN--painful

**A/N: 'past-tense'; continues directly after 'confrontation and a dogfight'. Warning, there are some rather...semi-graphic descriptions of childbirth and just some visceral descriptions in general, so be mindful if you're sensitive to that kind of content.**

* * *

><p>"—SIO!" Fuck, this couldn't be happening, it just wasn't real—<p>

_—how could she have been so careless—_

Groaning, she tried to sit up, to somehow drag herself out of the rampaging Objects' path—but the moment she stirred, there was a stabbing sensation in her stomach, and instinctively she knew the baby was in danger. "D-damn it…no, please, don't…_ugh—_"

"Sio! Sio!" She heard a grunt and then someone was carrying her off to the side, she herself in too much pain to even open her eyes until a wet droplet landed on her cheek—

"—A-Adam? You're injured!" That was the understatement of the century; blood coated the shredded remains of his armor, and a jagged cut was bleeding profusely under his bangs. He was beyond exhaustion at this point, she knew, and yet somehow he still had the strength to move.

"I told you not t'come down! Why did you…" Setting her down out of the way, behind Gandhi who, despite his own wounds, was still managing to put up a defense. "Nevermind that—I've got to go back up Newton; Gandhi, you keep an' eye on her!" Without another word, he forced the blade out, though she could see that its edges were no longer razor-sharp, his lack of energy meaning that its jagged gaps would remain.

"N-no, Adam…you'll get killed out there…_unh_!" The defender cast a worried glance in her direction at her cries, though she tried her best not to.

"Sio-chan! Are you okay? I'm calling for a med team right now, you need to be evacuated back to the base!" Hunter had radioed back saying he was headed down immediately, ETA less than a minute, but that was still a minute.

"_Ooh_…no, please, not now…" Her head was swimming as she felt a wave of pain overtake her, and a trickle of fluid seeping out… _'Oh no…this baby…isn't going to wait…please, please just hang in there a little more…'_

As if being pregnant and injured wasn't bad enough, it seemed the baby had decided to chose now to come out, despite being a full three months early; yet with the shock her body had taken at this point, it was miracle they would both make it, if at all. "G-Gandhi! Where, where's—_agh_!" Damn, there was no mistaking this familiar pain; her contractions were starting, whether or not she was ready.

"Sio-chan! Shit, where's Hunter when you need him…" Moving back slightly, he managed to help her into a more comfortable position, but there was little he could do, aside from forming a protective circle around them, although with the rate the Objects were ramming into it, multiple cracks were already appearing. "Damn…at this rate, I won't be able to…"

"Hang on, th' calvary's arriving!" The anatomist finally arrived in a spectacular fashion, spearing whatever creatures were still clinging to the outer edges of the shield. Gone were the days where he could remain comfortably in his lab—with the odds so overwhelmingly against them, even support holders had to learn combat skills. "Gandhi, Nobunagun, wha's the situation?" One look at the woman on her back however, breathless with pain and blood seeping between her legs, and his stomach dropped. "Oh shite, you've got to be bloody _joking_—"

_"Hunter? Where th' fuck you've been?!"_ Jack's voice cut back into the radio, the squeals from multiple EIOs still in the background. _"Sio! What's goin' on?!"_

"Oy, tha's what you say to th' man who's gonna deliver yur bairn," a muttered curse, before turning his attention back to her.

_"What?!"_

"Deliver?!" The sniper blinked hard, surely Hunter couldn't have been serious about her actually giving birth _right here, right now_—"oh crap, a-are we, but how—"

The Scotsman's expression was serious, but there was a determined glint in his eyes. "T'be honest, I've got no bloody clue, but we cannae just leave you like this—your contractions, they've started, haven't they?" Already his weapon was materialized, the tubes and syringes formulating whatever painkillers and boosters he was going to need if both the mother and child were to survive.

_"Hunter! You can't be serious! She can't—evacuate her back!"_

"We dinnae have time for that ya bampot, else what, you think I haven't already considered that option?!" They were in the middle of a battlefield, barriers already crumbling at certain points, and still the Ripper had the gall to direct _him_ in what he thought was the best course of action? "Either we deliver the child right now, or I cannae guarantee either ones' survival."

_"…You fuck this up, and I will personally kill you…"_

"Duly noted…" the anatomist muttered back dryly, though in all seriousness, there was about a million things that could go wrong. "Oy, Gandhi, can ye move a wee bit closer? I'm gonna need your help with this…" Popping out a syringe, he emptied the painkiller into her bloodstream—though without the proper equipment, he could only pray that it would be enough. "Pardon me, Miss Nobunagun…" He deftly cut away the suit, her rounded belly exposed through the silicon and metal.

"Uh, Hunter, you're not actually going to…cut her open, are you?" Gandhi paled slightly at the thought. Despite being more inured to blood and gore than he had been in their earlier years, the thought of having to be a surgeon's assistant and maintaining his AU weapon at the same time… He choked down a nervous whine.

"Believe me, 'f we dinnea hafta, I wouldna; but what wit' the damage her body's taken, I'm afraid the strain would be too much…'specially without any hospital equipment…" He was already sterilizing the surrounding area, those scalpels and scissors that sprouted from his arms looking more menacing than they really were. "Hang tight Nobunagun, I promise we'll get ye two through this." Praying fervently to a god he usually didn't acknowledge, Hunter steeled himself and made the initial incisions.

"_Hnnn—!_" Although he'd emptied nearly twice the usual dosage of painkillers into her, it still hurt. Like ice did the razor-sharp edge cut through her, the blood being wiped up by an unusually sallow-looking Gandhi. "Oh god, Hunter—!"

"—Hang on, jus' hang on 'right? Ye can do it, c'mon!" A blast from a landmine-class Object nearly knocked his hand in the wrong direction, but he merely grit his teeth and continued focusing on the task at hand. "Bloody hell, they jus' keep comin', those bastarts!" But they were close, almost there, just a little more—

"_—Uuhnnn!_ No, it hurts,_ it hurts—!"_ If she weren't so exhausted already, she'd be screaming, but even still she was sobbing, the pain was excruciating. "_Adam!_"

_"—SIO!"_

_"Jack! Don't get careless!"_ Newton's desperate plea, but it was useless, already falling on deaf ears as the Ripper, more dead than alive at this point, turned heel and started plowing back towards the direction of the pod. Her screams…he had already been driven to the edge by her impulsive charge down the mountainside, and now this—her desperate cries completely driving what logic that remained out, replaced by nothing but base instinct. _To protect what was his—_

_"GET OUT OF MY FUCKIN' WAY—!"_ No matter how injured he was, or how much Galileo's warnings squeaked through the mic…none of that mattered anymore. Blood seeped into his eyes, causing his vision to be filtered with a crimson haze, but strangely he didn't need to see—each swing connected with the hard shell or soft underbelly of those wretched creatures as he carved a swath through their army.

"You're doing great Sio-chan, just a little more, I promise!" Gandhi, letting her crush his hand while wiping her brow with a wet towel as she cried pitifully, trying to remain calm although even he knew that her status was not good. No matter how advanced Hunter's AU weapon was, it didn't replace the fact that she'd been heavily injured and already in a vulnerable state, before even going into labor. "Hunter, how much longer—"

"—Aaahh, and we've got ourselves a bairn! She's a wee lassie she is, but dinnae ye worry Nobunagun, she'll be jus' fine. After all, she's jus' as stubborn and strong as her parents." A triumphant shout from the make-shift surgeon, before a tiny little wail pierced the air.

"Oh, _oh_…" Suddenly it didn't matter that she was entirely drained of her energy, or that she was covered in blood and still bleeding, because this little girl, even all messy and bloody, "she's beautiful…" With shaking arms, Sio managed to hold her tiny newborn, who immediately stopped crying and squinted her eyes open for the first time.

"Wow, looks like she got your eyes, Sio-chan." Even Gandhi had to crack a smile, for a successful delivery out here, in the middle of a raging battle…it was nothing short of a miracle.

"Shite, I cannae believe I jus' did that. Ye did great, Sio, ye both did." Still, there was no time for celebrating now—he was already closing her up as fast as he could, but as he tightened the bandages, the amount of blood that seeped through caused him to furrow his brows. "C'mon, the medic team's on its way, we've got to get outta here—_oy_!"

"Sio-chan?!"

"Fuck, I knew it—she's lost too much blood—OY! Where the bloody hell are you?!" Cursing at the helicopter, which could be heard and seen whirring in the distance, he immediately emptied another hypo into her. "Oh no, no no no, we are not losing you, not after all this—!"

Why were they all shouting…after all, her baby was safe, and hey, the pain was fading away…actually, everything was kind of fading away, so why were they so… A few more shouts, before a new voice, rougher than the two before, sliced through the air—

"—Sio! Sio! Don't you dare die on us! Yeh can't—I won't let it happen!"

_Huh? That voice_…it was the voice of someone who knew her very well…someone who knew her the best… Mmm…she'd figure it out, just, she was so tired now, she wanted to close her eyes for just a little bit—

"—oh no you don't, c'mon Sio, please, _don't_—don't go—!" That voice, it was pleading, begging… Summoning everything she had left, the only thing she could make out in her vision was a blur of red and blood-stained white, but oh—

_'Oh. My. God. I just realized, you have some very green eyes!' _

_'Ye? They're green…what of it?' '_

_I think your eyes are verry pretty…like a jewel, or somethin'…_

"Y-your eyes…they're so…green…like, jewels…" Like an emerald, they glittered very brightly, beautiful against the blood-red backdrop. Something wet landed on her cheek, but she was too tired to notice. If only she could reach up and touch them…

The last thing Sio saw were those beautiful emeralds.


	5. THEN--the battle is to the strong

**A/N: Past-tense; warnings, some rather graphic descriptions of the human body and such.**

* * *

><p><em>It was impossible. There was no way…<em> And yet she closed her maroon orbs, her body going limp and the baby was crying again, as if sensing something wrong with her mother.

Time seemed to stop.

All around him the other holders—Hunter, Gandhi, Newton—were scrambling to revive her, or else to defend against the endless wave of mindless drones that continued to pour forth. But to him, they didn't matter, not anymore.

_'H-Hey…why won't you open your eyes?'_ Numb, nothing to feel or think now, not even his soon-to-be fatal wounds or the exhaustion that he'd been running on since nearly half an hour ago—

—they were all meaningless now.

"Oy! Jack, listen te me mate, yeh've gotta snap outta it! I know it looks bloody terrible, but it's gonna get even worse if we cannae get her back! Ye hear me? There's still a chance we can save her, but not here! Jack!" Hands grabbed his shoulders and shook him out of his reverie, Hunter's expression looking grimmer than ever, but not defeated. "Listen, dinnae you give up—either 'f ye. We can evac her back to the base, an' then—"

_"Hunter! The helicopter…it can't land~su! They're saying it's too risky to land with that anti-air Object crawling around…the zone's too hot!"_ Galileo breaking in, the poor girl sounding on the verge of tears, but still doing her job, her duty.

As it was his.

"Fuckin' fuck, I really dinnae need this right now…" As if the situation wasn't already SNAFU; all their fighters were injured one way or another, one was dying, not to mention a pre-mature newborn who was now being swaddled and held protectively by the anatomist himself. "Shite, cannae ye do anything about it?!"

"…They just need those bloody anti-air tentacles destroyed, right?" Climbing to his feet, nearly stumbling from the blood loss had it not been for Gandhi's shoulder—

"—yur not really thinking of goin' back out there, mate?" And now the anatomist truly looked scared, all determination having vanished and being replaced with a deep-seated fear. "Jack—Adam, th' state yur in…you'll die! Shite, I dinnae know how you're still conscious—but ye _cannae_ do this! Your body…it's already beyond its limit…"

"That…no longer matters; all I care about now 's gettin' the two of them back alive…" He was dizzy and nauseated, the pain was beyond intense at this point but he had to—because whatever chance there could be that she would live…he had to take it.

"You're not going alone, Adam; Newton and I will come with." The two support members standing behind him, camaraderie and solidarity at its best…if only their last member could join them… Behind them, Hunter was sputtering with shock, then simply shook his head as if to say 'godspeed'.

"That's right, or did you forget, Sio-chan's important to us, too?" The blonde, probably the least injured out of the three of them, stomped the ground slightly, as if offended that he could be so selfish.

"Heh…thanks, you guys… But, the plan I've got…it can only be me. Th' two of you, I want to stay behind and make sure Sio and everyone else gets evacuated back." They didn't move, only stubbornly standing there, as if challenging him. Gripping his AU ball tightly, it glowed, even brighter than it usually did, a sudden primal killing instinct reflected in his emerald orbs. "That's an order."

_"Even with the three of you, the chances of taking the anti-air unit out fast enough won't be possible! Jack, please, we're going to send—"_

He cut off the Commander's voice, tired of being told this and that, tired of having to act like he was just another soldier. "I already said, we don't bloody have time for it! Just…please, trust me, it'll work."

_"…What will?"_

"'That' mode…" Already the blade was forming, but this time, it was taking two separate forms—a sword and a claw, as bladed feathers were being spun out of liquid steel before they reformed and pieced together into two enormous razor-edged wings—

"Nightingale mode…? No, this is something else—wait a minute, you aren't—!" Even Gandhi was confused, because this wasn't like his normal mode-change; no, there was something darker, more sinister about this form—

_"—he's activating both modes at once, simultaneously~su! Jack the Ripper and Florence Nightingale…!"_

Years of research and intense documentation had resulted in fairly well-detailed reports on the mode-change capabilities possessed by certain holders, such as Jack and Geronimo. Further theorizing on Vidocq's part had come to the conclusion that it may even be possible to activate both at once, though at a great cost to the holder, of course.

"Adam, stop! Yer crazy—the strain, it'll be too much fer ye to handle!" Already he had to kneel, the stress of forcing the wings into a more aerodynamic shape causing him to cough up a mouthful of blood. "Yer killin' yerself! Adam!"

"It doesn't matter! Galileo, what's the maximum amount of time I'll get?" Choking back another bloody cough, he climbed to his feet, the pressure of maintaining such complex AU weapons causing his heart to work overtime, his pulse pounding madly in his ear as he struggled for breath.

_"A-at this rate, no more than 3, maybe 4 minutes~su! Your heart won't be able to handle any more than that…"_

He cracked a bloody grin. "Three minutes eh? That'll be…_hah_…plenty…" Without another word, he spread those bladed wings and took off with more speed than he'd ever possessed.

_"Galileo, keep an eye on his vitals; we can't afford to lose another holder."_ Back at base, the Commander had long since resigned to his pure bull-headed stubbornness; even after getting married and having a child didn't seem to dull his penchant for impulsive actions, if at all.

_"Y-Yes, Commander! Heart rate at 120bpm and climbing, RR at 25rpm—climbing, blood pressure is 110 mm Hg—ah, it's falling~su!."_

For all intents and purposes, he should be dead—or at least, in a state of severe shock. But then again, it was like she'd said when they first met—

_"—but you're no ordinary human, are you?"_

He had turned himself off to everything but the goal in front him, and it was currently staring back at him with five eyes and six legs too many. The horde didn't even have time to react to his sudden landing before they were massacred in a whirlwind of blades, a shrill cry from the anti-air class in charge of the assault—

"—take _that_, you fuckin' monsters!" Not one, but dual-wielding weapons, a monstrous claw and a jagged sword that tore and sliced apart the skittering legs like a hot knife through butter. It was as if he was reacting purely on automatic killing instinct—dodge left, strike with the right, parry, then shields up at the explosion—

"—_Hrrk_—!" A sudden tightening in his chest and he crashed into the dirt, barely able to breathe as he vomited on reflex, heaving up a pool of blood that splattered into the ground. "_Urrg—_f-fuck, not now…"

_"Jack-san! You're pushing yourself too hard—stop~su!" Galileo, not even disguising the tears in her voice, wincing at each painful wheeze. "Your cardiovascular system…i-if you don't disengage—it's already failing…!"_

"_Hnn_—don't care, no time—how long?" Stabs of pain were radiating from his chest, each rapid-fire heartbeat sending a painful throb through his veins and yet he was getting closer, to that monstrous anti-air Object whose tentacles were lashing out at the helicopter that was doing its best to get closer. If he could just simply disable those tentacles…

_"I-I, I don't think you should—"_

"JUST TELL ME!" He roared into the mic and there was a squeak of terror on the other end, just as his blade severed an eyestalk—there was a great shriek from the beast as it noticed him at last, turning its attention away from the chopper. Good.

_"Heek! One—n-no, just thirty s-seconds, maximum~su, but—!"_

Shit; that was less time than he'd originally calculated, but as long as he could still swing that sword… A moment too late as he only just noticed a spiked tip, too caught up in his mental calculations as he barely dodged in time, but not before it ripped through his side, right along his old scar.

"_Aaagghh! Gah,_ bloody hell…!" The pain was intense, his body instinctively recalling the first time he'd obtained that wound as he groaned, clutching his side as crimson seeped down his arm. Fuck, he knew this wasn't going to be easy…but there was no way he was going to give up. There was no more room for error now; another careless move, and he'd really be done for, failing to save either of them.

_The 'voice of God'…if you really exist…_ The elaborate insignia bore itself in his right eye as he scanned the Object, before pinpointing the second joints, a sliver of flesh between the plates. _Gotcha_.

A flash of movement as the creature barreled a tentacle at him but it was easily dodged—and then forming one of the razor-sharp feathers into a shard-like dagger that was then fired at the squirming tip, effectively pinning it in place. Too late, did the Object realize the trap, futilely thrashing about as he dove underneath and sheared upwards in one clean motion, severing the limb.

"Heh, one down, just one to—_hrrnng_—" The familiar taste of bitter copper flooded his mouth and he had to land, spitting it out as he panted hard for oxygen. Stabbing his sword into the dirt to prevent himself from falling over, the only thing Adam could do was bear the pain, to hope that he could still push himself just a little more, even as it felt like his heart was going to burst from the strain. "_Ugh_—no, no, j-just one…more…"

_"Adam! Please, you must disengage your AU weapon now! The feedback damage is killing you!"_

_"Pulse at 140bpm now!_

_"Blood pressure is weakening…he's lost too much blood!"_

_"Commander, any more and the damage will be irreversible—"_

Gods, they were all so noisy…without another second's hesitation, he reached up and switched off his earpiece. "Sorry guys, but yer distractin' me…"

_"Adam no—"_

"Now, where were we…" A sadistic grin on his face, the killing instinct he was giving off so primal, that even the monster with one tentacle left hesitated to charge now, almost as if afraid for its own life. "Ooh, scared now, are we? Well, maybe yeh should've considered that…before y'tried to _kill my wife and child!_" Faster, he had to move faster than he'd ever thought possible, to weave through that hail of explosive scales faster than the eye could track, parry with the back of his sword and retaliate with his own wings—

—_there_—

It couldn't have been more obvious if someone had painted a bright-red bullseye on it, that weak point which would disable the remaining obstacle. The claw lacerated the tendons, while the sword pierced the center; a roar so loud it nearly shook him from the air, before it fell, like some monstrous tree being felled at last.

"Here's a hint, _hah_, t' take back to yer-_ha_—kind: Don't. Fuck. With. Me."

And finally, at last, his body gave out, not even having the strength to land somewhat gracefully as his AU weapon faded into that of a ball again, unable to even move as his entire body radiated with an agonizing pain. In the distance, there was the whirring of the helicopter blades and he felt a wave of relief, because he had done it now, they would be safe…

She would be saved…

"Tch…t-told you I'd do it…S-Sio…" Everything was so heavy, and he was pretty sure he'd earned a nap after all that. Hell, he could've slept anywhere at this point, even with two voices getting closer, shouting his name…

"Adam! Adam! Goddamnit, you better not be dead, or I swear I'll stomp your corpse more than six feet under!"

"Give me the syringe Newton, and we can talk about stomping later—"

A pinprick in his neck, though barely noticeable now compared to every other open wound all over his body, and it was getting very, very dark and quiet…


	6. THEN--The State Of My Life

_'Hurry! Get these two back to th' Forrester now an' tell 'em to prep two OR right away!'_

_'Pulse is dropping! 100, 93, 70—'_

_'—Which one?'_

_'—both—!'_

_'—Christ! It cannae ever be easy, can it?!'_

He didn't remember much aside from a few scattered phrases, mostly just a blur of shouts and yelling of his name, her name, muffled against the constant, overwhelming pain. And that fear…

_'Oh…y-your eyes, th-they're, so…green…' _

_Falling, falling… _

_…fall- -ing—_

"Sio…!" All senses awake at once, though perhaps not the best idea; the light was too bright and the beeping too harsh, too constant and noisy, that dry, sterile air they always filtered and circulated throughout the medical bay suddenly burning his lungs, choking him.

Was he even alive…?

"Shite mate, y'nearly scared the crap outta me…again." He strained to turn his head because it was so heavy and he was so weak, but he recognized that voice—

"…Niall…" For some reason he didn't call him 'Hunter', as they always had; maybe it was because he was still too tired to think clearly from all the drugs and painkillers they'd put into him.

Or maybe it was because right now, he didn't want anything to do with their e-genes. Not Jack the Ripper or Florence Nightingale…in the end, not even their combined strength was enough to save her.

"Goddamn Muirhead, I gotta say, I've nivver met any moron quite as stubborn's you." Scratching his head, the Scotsman adjusted the many I.V. lines that were all going through him. "Nearly lost ye on th' way back…"

"Wha…"

The other man pulled up a chair and sat down. "…Yur heart stopped; managed t' revive ye, but still, _fuck_—be lyin' 'f I said I wasna seriously scared." Sighing, the anatomist ran both hands across his face, and suddenly Adam noticed the dark rings that lined the bottom of both his eyes. "Ye really pushed yurself too far mate…much farther than I'd ivver want t' see…"

He should probably apologize; to say that he was sorry he'd put Niall and everyone else through all that, but it was all for her—

—suddenly he bolted upright and instantly regretted it. "_Ugh_—fuck, S-Sio, where's she? And the baby—Mahesh, Jess—"

"Oy oy, take it easy Adam…by all rights, ye should still be out; one at a time, yeh?" Moving a couple of the lines out of the way, he helped the man into a more upright position. "Yur platoon's fine; those two were pretty badly hurt 's well, but they're outta the woods, should be back on their feet by th' end o' th' week. As fer ye new one…" He trailed off and was seemingly giving some sort of invisible signal to someone else—and he must've been, for the next thing he knew, a tiny blur of brown hair came streaking through the doorway—

"_Tou-san_!" A running jump that was caught by a surprisingly quick Niall before the boy could unintentionally wound the man any further, slowly set down by the bedside. "_Tou-san tou-san, daijoubu desu ka?_" Bright, shining green eyes just like his, only wider and much more innocent than his had ever been.

As terrible as the situation had been, there was nothing like seeing the eager face of his son to make everything a little brighter, a little less painful—even if only temporarily. "Hey squirt…god, it's so good to see you…"

With some help, the toddler climbed onto the bed, being careful not to get tangled in the many tubes and needles while giving his father the biggest hug he could manage. "Hunter-san says you and Mummy're sick."

Uh, well, that was one way to put it. He cast a sideways glance at the taller man, who could only give him a shrug that said 'well what was I supposed to say?'

"Er, yeh, but don't worry, we'll be fine…" Though, he could've sworn that the anatomist flinched just ever so slightly…

"Galiko-nee-chan brought a dolly! She says it's _imouto-chan_." Scattered phrases of Japanese and English, the boy having picked up literally one of each language he'd been hearing ever since he was old enough to start making words.

"A dolly…?" Surely he meant his new sister, but a doll…

"Ah, well, it's just, she's so tiny, he thought she was a stuffed doll at first~su." Out of the corner pink pigtails peered in, holding a small bundle of white blankets. "She's surprisingly spirited…if it weren't for her size, you would've never known she was born so early~su."

Oh… There were very few times in his life so far that Adam had been rendered entirely speechless; once when he was asking for Sio's hand in marriage, once when their first child was born, and now, once more at the arrival of their second. It had all been a blur on the battlefield when it happened—shouts and screams all mixing in with the shrieks over the radio chatter, before he could fight his way back only to have his heart break…

A tiny little girl, with pure, snow-white hair and the deepest of maroon eyes; born via a messy, emergency c-section in the middle of a raging war…she was nothing short of a miracle indeed. Arms still trembling, though from weakness or nerves, he didn't know—only knew that this baby somehow instinctively already recognized who he was, peering at him curiously and attempting to grab his own silvery strands.

"Waaa, dolly _imouto-chan_!" The boy held out his hands expectantly, as if waiting for a turn to hold her, as well. "I'm careful, promise."

"Alright…just, slowly…" She was transferred over to her brother, who immediately began cooing and making nonsensical babble with her.

"He's taken to her very quickly~su; he told me he would take care of her all by himself while you two were recovering~su." No longer the gopher of the Special Squad anymore, although they still called her Galiko on occasion and somehow she ended up with babysitting duty more than any of the other holders. "You're so lucky, Adam…"

Lucky, huh? Somehow he wasn't so sure about that… "We'll see 'bout that. What about Sio—is she…" The last thing he remembered was Niall telling him that she could be saved, if they got her back fast enough…only question was, had it been enough? Surely, what with the way they were acting…she couldn't be, couldn't, be…

Neither member of the Special Squad looked at him in the eye, and he could feel the adrenaline flooding his system, sending the machines into a bit of a frenzy as his vitals started rapidly climbing. "She isn't…I—"

"—Let's give your father some rest now, okay~su?" Before the panic kicked in full force she was already leading them out, the boy still insisting on carrying his baby sister.

"Niall—"

"I—okay first off, she's not dead; I swear, she's ver' much alive, Adam, so please dinnae kill me—it's just—shite, it's complicated…" And the man, the one who'd come all the way out of his lab and made it through that cesarian section and then kept the two of them alive all the way back, looked as close to breaking down in total despair as Adam had ever seen him come to.

"Just…tell me, please…" His own voice was shaking now, because what could he possibly mean by 'complicated'? She wasn't dead, but then what? In a coma? Gravely crippled? He steeled himself for any and all possibilities, each one worse than the last…

"I, guess ye could call it a coma…but 's not one in the, usual sense…I-I, I mean, Jesus fuckin' Christ…" A sardonic chuckle, as if simultaneously blessing and cursing the gods, "th' injuries she's sustained…we've managed t' stabilize her, but, fuck, those Objects must've evolved again since th' last time we fought 'em—we cannae figure out a way t'…wake her up without the risk o' makin' it…permanent…"

As if he hadn't experienced enough anxiety during the battle, watching her slip into that darkness through a haze of blood… "What're yeh sayin'…th-that, y'don't know when she'll wake up…?" Once again, the feeling of uselessness, those powers that were said to be among the most powerful in all of DOGOO?

Worthless. Trash. In the end, he was still just nothing. Shaking, he fought the violent urge to punch something, to simply destroy—but that would probably just result in another lecture about controlling his temper and a prolonged hospital stay.

"It's—I—gods, I dinnae even know meself…all's I know fer sure is, even though she's in a coma, and stable…we cannae leave her like that; eventually, what'ver's in those wounds from th' newer Objects…it'll kill her."

"So…you're sayin' she'll…_die_…eventually…" That taboo word, bitter upon his tongue but he had to say it, to confirm for his own self instead of giving in to his wild delusions.

"…Yeh…but, Vidocq an' Command called in an emergency meeting; now, please know tha' what I'm 'bout t' say is all speculative; even that douchebag dinnae ken fer certain if it'll work, but I mean, hell, 's _something_—"

"—What is." If Vidocq and the Commander were involved…it usually meant that it wasn't something he was going to like or approve of.

"…Th' alien, Dogoo? It actually came up wit' a feasible solution…that stasis tube or, pod, what'ver th' hell it is, apparently it has regenerative capabilities—certainly, far beyond what technologies we've currently got; an' we know it's suitable for human usage, as the Commander and St. Germain can attest to…"

"…but…" There was a catch; always had to be a catch, because after all these years, he'd learned that nothing was ever so simple as they said it to be. "There's somethin' else, ain't there? Otherwise you would've already just put her in, 'stead of tellin' me all this…"

A pause. Silence as the other man struggled to voice what Adam already knew would be inevitable…a loss that was coming, even though he didn't know the details he knew the outcome, in some vague, incomplete way.

"Th' technology…may work on humans, but in the end, it's still _alien_ tech; sure, we can put her in, and it should theoretically restore her to full health." Here the surgeon could only heave a sigh, eyes closed as he leaned back into the plastic chair, all energy gone. "But it turns out, fer humans, it's closer to somethin' like hibernation equipment, rather than a panacea; th' healing tech is more t' keep the occupant in a mode of stasis, rather than allowin' them t' remain conscious like that Dogoo—"

"—just get to th' bloody point, Niall." He was tired of stalling, tired of this anxiety…whatever it was, he just _had to know_—

"—if we put her in, then tha's it; you'll nivver see her again. She'll remain in stasis for possibly the rest o' your life—hell, even yur kids'…"

"What the…but th' Commander, she, she woke up again, so we know it's possible—!" Fear, that all-consuming panic that he'd come to despise because it happened so much more than it should now, if only because he'd now had so many important people to him…and her, the most important of all…

The look on the other's face could only be described as pure sorrow. "Yeh…but, remember, th' Commander woke up in cycles of _centuries_…least we figure, the minimum cycle, fer humans is prolly at least one century…give or take a few years…"

One hundred years. It felt like his heart was being crushed; such a heavy weight, the burden of _absolute despair._ He hadn't even realized he was having trouble breathing until the machines beeped noisily and he remembered how his body worked in order to live. Sure, technology was improving all the time, and a hundred years wasn't impossible—

—that is, if he wasn't killed first.

"S-So, then what…what am I supposed to do?"

"Well…tha's the only plan we've managed t' come up wit'. They're sayin' it might be possible to reverse-engineer some o' the workin's, so tha' we can reduce the cycle down from a century, but 's all just theorizing at this point—"

"—but there's a possibility." Hell, just hope and a fighting chance…it was all he could ask for at this point.

"…Yeh. There is."

"…We don't have much of a choice, do we…"

"…They're waitin' on yur permission…technically speakin', yur her husband, so legally any and all decisions hafta get yur say-so…"

Legalities, formalities…he didn't give a shit about any of that right now. This wasn't something as simple as asking for permission to go ahead on a potentially risky operation—this was her life—_their life_—

—and still they dared to try and reduce it down to just another mission?

"—O-Oy, what're think yur doin'—ye can't get up—!"

Ignoring the pain, he ripped out all the tubes and whatnot that they had inserted into him, despite the anatomist's cries of dismay; this wasn't just something they could expect him to send via some messenger or report, no, he had to see her, to know for himself—

"—Adam! Goddammit man, I—tha's it, I give up; I completely, absolutely, fuckin' give up on tellin' ye wha' t' do. But I'll be damned if ye think yur goin' by yurself." Grabbing the jacket, he tossed it over the other's shoulders and shut off the emergency warnings, lest the nurses came running in a panic. "C'mon, they're in the main hall."

To let her stay in a coma and eventually die…or else to condemn her to a sleep, whereupon she would wake up and find everyone gone…

This wasn't trying to chose between a rock and a hard place.

To him, they might as well have been the same level of hell.


	7. THEN--A World Of Contradictions

_'Please don't let me be too late—'_

_'—can't take her away, away from us, me—'_

_'—please—'_

_'—don't—'_

"—Sio!" All heads turned up from the table at the latest interruption, the now-legendary 'Jack the Ripper' who had nearly died in the last battle, still looking more like a corpse than a man and followed closely by the surgeon Hunter. For a second nobody dared to even breathe, the sets of eyes flickering between the two men and then back amongst themselves, silently daring one another to go first.

"…Jack. It's good to see you awake." The Commander, rising slowly from her chair with the help of her cane and St. Germain, before making her way to the front. "Take a seat; if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say you probably shouldn't even be conscious yet." Next to her, Vidocq looked even more exhausted than usual, the bags under his eyes rivaling that of his teammate's and the ashtray piled haphazardly with cigarette butts.

The seat was open right in front of him, but he didn't take it. If he was going to gain even an inch in this decision, it wasn't going to be from a submissive stance. "Thanks for your concern, Commander, but I can stand." A snort from the blonde's mouth, but he was long used to this rift between them now, the cold strategist versus the hot-blooded warrior. "Hunter filled me in on what's goin' with Si…Nobunagun." A pain in his side as he forced himself to remain composed, though the newly-mended scar still throbbed, each aching pulse like a reminder of what he would have to find a way to get through.

The senior members tittered nervously amongst themselves, unsure how to respond while the gaze of Iyo and Dogoo bore straight through him. This wasn't just a report to be made to the head of Platoon 2. As Jack the Ripper, he was the squad leader. But he wasn't just a reincarnation, strands of DNA collected and reborn into a man named Adam Muirhead.

Jack was Nobunagun's comrade-in-arms.

Adam was Sio's husband.

A dichotomy that had long been a source of both pride and anguish for all of them; and now, it seemed this was yet another situation in which no matter the side he took, all the ends were not the answer he was searching for. "Yeh wanna explain to me just exactly what's goin' on…?"

"Miss Nobunagun's condition is currently stable, albeit critical. As you no doubt know, we have not figured out a way wake her without significant…repercussions. And yet, the wounds might become fatal before she awakens naturally…"

_"I have agreed to exchange what little is left of my life for Sio's survival. Although I, too, will not have much time, I believe it is worth it, to ensure her existence."_ For the first time, that eerie figure spoke, its glowing red eyes making it seem sinister, somehow, though Adam knew that it was just as concerned with defeating the EIOs as they were. _"However, this is ultimately your choice, Adam, as sealing her in stasis will prevent her from interacting with you and everyone else for a long time, possibly even a century."_ The bubbles constantly roiling up, the only noise to distract him as he felt caught between two decisions, and for once, he honestly could not say which was worse.

Maybe they would be lucky, and she would wake up and they could cure her. But more likely than not, she would probably die first. And yet, the thought of never seeing her again, of her never even getting to meet her new daughter, to see their kids grow up and experience the rest of their lives together…the pain stabbed his side and he fumbled against the chair's back, Hunter rushing forward to help support him while grumbling something about being a 'stubborn-ass bastart'.

"Adam, please sit…! There's no need for formalities here, not in a time like this. Gentlemen, please give us some space." At her command, the rest of the board members filled out quietly, leaving only Vidocq and St. Germain.

"_Hah_…l-like I said…I don't…need, a seat…" True, the pain was starting to become unbearable now that the medication was slowly dissipating from his system, but he could bear it…had to bear it. "So, in the end, yer basically askin' me t' choose between killin' my wife…or condemning her to an endless sleep…" A low growl as he felt the slight rush of adrenaline, Jack seemingly on the verge of bursting through, if for just a second in his rising anger. "I won't just let you take her an' do whatever yeh want—"

"—it's the only way we she can be saved! God damn it Adam, can you not just think logically about the bigger picture for a second here?! Why must it always be about _her_—her her her!" Chest heaving, the cool-headed strategist finally lost his temper, slamming both hands onto the desk as he rose to his full height, face-to-face with the Ripper. "Need I remind you that DOGOO stands for more than just your personal lives, that we ultimately formed to save our planet?! _Mon Dieu!_" Those icy blues glaring for only a second, before shrinking as their owner unconsciously took a step back, the lethal side of Jack coming out in full force now.

"…I'm only going to let yeh off this one time. But only because I don't wish to leave your child fatherless." He didn't even need to show those emerald glints for the rest of the audience to feel his murderous intent, the killing instinct that was permeating so strongly that he could've sworn he smelled the stench of blood. Glaring for just a second longer before backing off, not even bothering to look at the other in the eye or letting Hunter help him, the anger overpowering all the pain momentarily. "Just because tha's what you've come up with…doesn't mean it's the only way…"

"…That may be true, but we may not have enough time to find it." The Commander's voice was softer this time, sympathy from the human who had suffered through countless hardships until now to lead them. "She's already approaching the limit our technology is capable of…you have to make a decision, Adam."

Tch. Of course, that was always how things were, weren't they? He ground his teeth so hard his jaw hurt, but even his e-gene was in agreement, whispering that they'd best take this chance while it presented itself. Glancing over at the mysterious field, Dogoo staring back without any emotion as he tried to imagine her imprisoned in there, no longer a person but like an artifact to be preserved and gazed at in a museum.

"If I…agree to this, she'll be in there…in this room permanently…yeh?" It made sense that the technology was the center of the organization, the main hub where DOGOO commanded its presence.

_"That is correct."_

"An' what about you 'ey? Wasn't it because you're already deteriorating tha' you had t' wake th' Commander up in th' first place?" Though Dogoo had never shown any noticeable emotions, facially or otherwise, it was almost chivalric, the manner in which it was willing to sacrifice itself for them. Though at the moment, he was hard-pressed to find any sort of gratitude in this situation—to act like they were doing him a favor, ha—what a bunch of bullshit.

_"…It is true that I will probably not last as long as I had hoped, but the time I have been able to spend in stasis these last few years will give me at least a few more decades, if not just enough time for Sio to re-awaken."_

For some reason he had to bite back a smirk, though it was entirely rueful. "Heh…who'dve thought I'd be owin' you of all things, a debt…"

_"You are mistaken, Adam. You, nor Sio or anyone else, owes me anything. I am simply finding the best course of action in order to ensure your planet does not fall to the Invasion Objects. And to do that, we need all the holders, no matter the cost."_ A pause, as if Dogoo was considering for the first time why it really had come here. _"…I may not understand human emotions still, even after all these millennia, and perhaps I will never do. My people did not evolve to have the same capacity as your kind has; in a way, it has its positives and negatives. To tell the truth, even though I will probably never understand your anger, or your sadness…I still believe the ability to feel, to love as deeply as you do, is something that is exceedingly precious, and worth protecting."_

That was…entirely unexpected. He'd been expecting some logical explanation, a reprimand at most about speaking out of line, but this… Perhaps he'd underestimated just how much Dogoo had come to observe and learn. Two millennium were, after all, quite a long time. A long sigh, before at last he resigned himself fully to the inevitable.

"…Well, I guess we might as well not waste anymore time then…"


	8. THEN--The Importance Of Life

**A/N: 'past-tense', directly after A World Of Contradictions.**

* * *

><p>She looked so fragile, eyes closed in a deep, deep sleep and wrapped in nothing but a loose robe that was just a bit too short for his taste. All superficial wounds had been healed up nicely, leaving only the faintest traces of scars—and yet he knew that was just on the surface. Deep below, where the tubes snaked in…that was where they were so desperately trying to stave off, to keep whatever it was from killing her. Suddenly he felt so very weak, legs threatening to just give out as it struck him hard at what he was about to do.<p>

"Oy Adam, take a breather, we've still got some time, ye know…" Hunter, not looking any happier, only determined now to make this work.

"N-No, it's…I just wanna get it over with…" Even his voice shook, it didn't seem real, that this was happening. Gently he stroked her hair, the strands still like silk. Her skin felt a little cooler, but still smooth and soft…gods, how he was going to miss that…a deep ache stirring within him, causing not only his scar to hurt all over again but rising deep from his psyche, an unstoppable wave of anguish.

Only when she was starting to be disrobed did he pull out of it, instantly threatening visual incapacitation at the poor intern who backed off immediately, shaking all the while. "Oy, th' fuck yeh think yer doing?"

"I-I, it's j-j-just, a-a-according to Dogoo, clothing w-w-won't l-last l-long…" It only took a single snarl from the silver-haired man before the poor kid fled in terror, not even looking back. Next to him, Hunter stepped forward, sighing all the while.

"It's uh, standard procedure I guess…though, can't say I like th' idea meself…" Poor Sio, exposed to everyone who worked there and just happened to pass by. Maybe it hadn't mattered when Iyo had used it, after all there had just been St. Germain, but that was before DOGOO had grown into the organization it was now.

"Not. Happening. I am already giving up everything I've come to know these past few years, no bloody way I'm just gonna let everyone leer at her like some object—"

"—Then we won't; I apologize for not realizing it earlier," uneven footsteps accompanied by a cane, Commander Iyo slowly limping in, "but you're right, Adam, Niall. It was insensitive of us to forget that things are not what they used to be. Unconscious she may be, but dignity she will still have. She can go in as is, unless you had something else in mind?"

Something else, huh… Normally he couldn't care less about clothes or whatnot, but for some reason the answer was now standing very clearly in his mind.

"…Give me a minute."

* * *

><p>In his memory, it had only just been this morning that he'd helped her up, teased her, and then buttoned up her uniform before heading to that ill-fated meeting. The room they shared still in the same state as they'd left it—bed unmade, someone's pillow on the floor and a stuffed bear lying on the small desk. Swallowing the hysteria, he immediately flung open the closet, rifling through what little casual wear that they'd rarely wore nowadays: a few polo shirts, a pair of jeans, the odd sweater or skirt and…ah…<p>

_"—I uh.. got you something.." _

_"Y-you d-didn't…that…dress…"_

It hadn't been worn much after they'd gotten married, but she had been reluctant to leave it behind in her Tokyo home—because it held so much more than just the memory of their first date, that night. _'Maybe on the off-chance we get an opportunity,'_ she'd reasoned, and now it was finally being taken out, but not for a nice date on the beach—

—no, who would've ever guessed that this dress, the very first gift he'd bought on a whim just because he wanted to do something for her, would essentially become her burial shroud? Grabbing the hanger, he gently folded it into his arms before sprinting back out.

* * *

><p>When he'd returned and laid out the garment, the Commander didn't say a word, only nodded in agreement and she and Hunter left immediately to give them some privacy while he changed her out of that flimsy hospital gown. It didn't feel right…not the way she was entirely limp in his arms as he pulled the dress over her arms, nor that hastily-mended scar from the c-section that would now be a permanent part of her torso. As much as he'd inwardly complained about his own scar, right now, he would've taken on all of hers and more, if only she would be all right once again.<p>

Something metallic hit his arm, and he looked down to see her wedding band still intact, thought slightly scuffed from all the battles she'd worn it into. Unconsciously he twisted his own, sitting around his left ring finger. Maybe this was all for naught, that the unknown fluid or whatever it was would just dissolve all material goods, metal and all, yet still he desperately clung to hope, that whatever little things he was doing now, it would mean something, at the end of all this, if there even was an end.

"Hn…y'have good dreams now, yeh hear, squirt?" He'd read somewhere that although unconscious, people in a coma were still capable of hearing those around them. How true that was…well, there wasn't anything left to lose now, was there? "Don't worry about us; I'll…I'll make it…somehow. The kids…oh, our daughter came out just fine…so 'f yer wonderin'…"

Suddenly he grasped her tight, unresponsive as she was save her for even breath. "Gods, Sio…I'm so sorry…I'm so, so sorry…" He'd give anything for her to wake up, even if just for a second, because there were so many things he wanted to tell her, had to tell her, about his doubts, fears, and what would become of their future… "But, trust me, I'll find a way t' get yeh outta this…I swear to god, I promise…you'll see us again." He resisted the urge to just crush her in his arms completely, but still he spent a few more minutes just holding her, trying to memorize everything about her before she was locked away.

For all the fuss they raised about this entire process, it was surprisingly straightforward. He carried her in his arms, princess-style, although this time nobody cracked a joke or even a hint of a smile. The mood could only be described as somber, more like a funeral, and hell, it might as well be, given the circumstances.

"Adam Muirhead. You are sure, and understand fully, what it is you are about to do?" The Commander once again resuming her authority now, gazing down like the indomitable figure she was from her perch up high, St. Germain always by her side. All the staff stood to the side respectfully, their gazes lowered, but still it felt more like a trial, like he was about to accept some sort of punishment. And maybe in a way he was, leaving her entire fate up to some hastily-scraped together plan that did not have any sort of guarantee, but only hope.

All because he'd failed to do the one thing he'd swore he would, even give his own life for, ever since they first met—to protect her.

And now he was still alive while she might as well not be.

"…Yeh. I understand."

A moment of silence, as though they were also in disbelief at what was about to happen. "…Very well. There is no going back after this then…"

"I _know_." He wished they would stop delaying the inevitable, for with each passing second, the more his reluctance was growing—any longer, and he might very well just dash out with her, consequences be damned.

All external lights seemed to dim as the field dropped, and Dogoo gently stepped out, hovering uncertainly, trying to gain a hold in the outside world after its time in stasis. They'd never seen the alien outside before, only Iyo and St. Germain before them, and yet despite all the holographic communications and in-person visits, there was still a sense of unnatural being surrounding it.

_"Please, set her in gently, and the field will automatically contain itself."_

A dread. Reluctance. Fear. Each step seemed longer than the last, and the closer he got, the less he could hear, until the only sounds that remained was his own heartbeat. It was so easy—just lay her in, and she'd be all right…right? At the last minute his courage failed him and he simply stood there, staring blankly into the flickering ring.

_"…Adam? Do you wish to retract your choice?"_ All eyes on him now, and though he was sure none of them would judge anything, just their gazes penetrating him, stripping him of everything until the very depths of his soul was laid bare and naked, every vulnerability and self-loathing in full display…suddenly he broke into a cold sweat and a wave of nausea consumed him.

_'Do you?'_ A barely noticeable whisper that only he could hear in his own head.

"…No." It was like watching through the surreal quality of a dream, or maybe Nightingale had taken pity—or something—and his body moved though he wasn't aware of controlling it, unaware of letting go and seeing her hover in that weightless state. Only when the field closed up did he step backwards, did the full weight of what he'd just done hit him entirely.

_You won't ever see her again after this. Not in the way you've known in these past years. She is more a symbol now, something you hope for, but never someone you can embrace anymore._

He reached out for her only to touch some sort of force field, the energy vibrating his hand back. So this was the finality… A sort of numbing sensation spreading through his body, unable to feel or think of anything—because what could he possibly feel now—

_What have you done?_

"—we think it best for you to convalesce back home."

What? Home? "Yeh mean…"

"Perhaps it's premature for you to be traveling, but as of now, we feel it would probably be better for you to get some distance from DOGOO for the time being. Transportation to London, England, is already being arranged as we speak."

"Oh…" Right. London. His home, though he hadn't thought of it as such in a long time now. "What about—"

"Your children can go with you, and your mother has already been informed." At this point the Commander dismissed everyone else with a wave of her hand, and room becoming eerily quiet now. "Or rather, I should say she…requested your presence home after the mission."

His mother…he couldn't remember the last time they'd been in contact, not since his son was born.

"I see…" He had no more energy left to even argue against anybody at this point. Right now, it was just easier to simply give in and go along with what everybody else wanted. "How long?"

A pause. "…We have not put a timeframe on this, given the sudden circumstances…but, whenever you feel…ready."

There was nothing much left to say after that.

* * *

><p>"<em>Nee tou-san<em>, we're going?"

"Yeh; we're going to see grandmum in England, okay?" He hadn't told him yet, that it was just going to be the three of them from now on; how was he supposed to tell them something like that, that his mother was not going to be around anymore and while not dead, she just wasn't going to be able to, to…

"Hurting?" A worried tug at his wrist as he had to pause while the pain passed through him.

"Y-Yeh…don't worry, I'll be fine…" After hastily throwing a few essentials into a duffle, he'd paid a quick visit to the remaining two members of his platoon, both to break the news and to temporarily hand over leadership duties to Jess, who would effectively be in charge while he was gone. Neither of them showed much emotions other than disbelief and sorrow, but they promised to hold down the fort while he took time to recover. Hunter had given him an all-too-lengthy list 'can' and 'can't dos', along with a seemingly endless amount of strict instructions for his mother on how to treat his wounds, etc., before giving him a surprisingly uncharacteristic hug.

The winds whipped his hair around his face, the chopper getting ready to take off soon. Despite the noise, his daughter didn't seem bothered at all, still snuggled sleepily against his shoulder, oblivious to the wind and chill.

"…She's not coming." Somehow, Adam knew whom his son was referring to.

"…No."

"Will she back?"

"…I don't know."


	9. NOW--silver moon

**A/N: And now we return to the 'present', the now. Because sometimes, in order to depart for the future, we must return to the beginning.**  
><strong>This is the last chapter.<strong>

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><p>The moon is unusually bright tonight, perhaps it's because it's almost the moon-viewing festival, <em>Tsukimi<em>, which has coming surprisingly early this year. Normally the passing of the seasons don't mean anything when you're aboard an airship that seems to be constantly chasing the sun, but this year is different. This year, he manages to wrangle a weekend free just for the three of them, to spend what Mirza likes to call 'quality family time'—though it's a bit of an ironic statement, given that the Indian has not been back to his homeland in years, not even to introduce the family he himself has started.

'_I was pretty much disowned the day I headed off for DOGOO, so what's the point?' He'd slurred, the two of them sharing a much-needed drink late one evening in the A. Logan's lounge. 'Plus, 's not like Jess and I are even married. Now, if I wasn't already considered such a bastard, just imagine what they'll think when they find out I've got a child out of wedlock.' _

_'Yeh know…yeh could always just actually get married.' It's none of his business to tell Mirza what to do, 'cause hell knows if he'll even actually listen, but it's late and it just seems too cruel to not say anything at all. _

_'Aaah…well Adam, gotta say, I'm not like you. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with it—hell, you know Jess and I've been cheering for you an' Sio since day one—but it's just…' and here the Indian trails off, actually reflecting on his life for once. _

_He doesn't say anything, only pours another glass for both of them, only to realize the gin's all gone and his glass is only half full. Damn. _

_'…Make no mistake, I love her and my son—that goes without saying. But something like marriage…I've come to realize, it's not for me. And I think Jess agrees with that.' _

_'Hn. Hate t' say it, but I can't argue wit' that…cheers, mate.' Their glasses clink and he downs the shot, ignoring the burn and instead focusing on the fire that comes after._

This year, they demand to visit Japan; England is fun and all, but when they're in Japan, they feel closer to her. It's not that he doesn't enjoy being there as well—on the contrary, experiencing her childhood helps soothe him a little—but he won't deny that familial relationships are more strained now, his in-laws even more distant than when he'd first met them, already wary of his status as a _gaijin_ going out with their one and only daughter. But he has learned that being an adult—no, a parent, means sometimes you must do things even if you don't want to.

"_Tou-san! Mite mite_," the five-year old twirls around clumsily, showing off her brand-new yukata that is a little too large, cherry blossoms scattered all over the sleeves.

"That's beautiful love," he smiles and ruffles her hair, before she runs off again and pesters her brother to share his dango, even though she's already had two sticks. As formal and detached as they act towards him—only for the sake of the fact that he's still Sio's husband and Japanese formality dictates politeness above all else—when it comes to their grandchildren, no expenses are spared, ever.

The air is cooler now, thank goodness the rainy season had just ended before they arrived, although the humidity is still higher than he would prefer it. Though he always feels a little awkward wearing traditional Japanese clothing, he puts on the steel-grey yukata that he's given when they arrive this morning, after the older woman insists that it will be cooler.

That, and Sio had told him at his first _Tsukimi_ that she thought he looked surprisingly good in Japanese clothes. Although it was more than likely because she'd consumed a staggering amount of sake by then (and so had he, if his fuzzy memory was correct), it seemed that now, more than ever, it was those little things that mattered the most.

_'Whoooaaa, I jus' totally realized, you're like, super hot.' She hiccups, face deeply flushed and yukata loosened though she doesn't seem to really care. _

_He nearly chokes on his next cup, boyfriend or not, such brazen declarations from her were still something that he is not used to. '…Uh, thanks. I think…' His own cheeks are quite pink at this point, actually he isn't sure why he was still drinking this sake anyway, since it isn't like there is anyone left to impress. _

_She shakes her head, wobbling over to the open porch on unsteady legs before flopping into his lap, despite his protest. 'Nuuo, nonono, you dun understand—I mean, really, like, at first I kinda thought you were an ass—'cause you know, you were all 'argh, listen to me brat'—' he smothers a laugh into his sleeve, 'but then I saw you changing and I was like whooaaa, nice ass.' _

_'An' here I thought yeh weren't a high school girl voyeur…' he teases, setting down his empty cup. 'Someone's got quite a dirty mind, eh?' He tilts her rosy lips up towards his and spontaneously kisses her, lips ever so warm and soft. _

_'…I'm not a peeper…I'm just telling the truth…' she pouts, mumbling against his lips between repeated kisses that are getting more and more heated. 'I think you shouldn't be—!' A sudden squeal from the girl as his teeth nips her, right along the creamy curve of her neck. _

_'…Yes?' _

_'I-I, st-stop that Adam, you're always doing…this…ah…" Her fingers bury themselves in his hair, the yukata nearly slipping from her shoulders. _

_'Doing? Yer one to talk, y'know.' Somehow she is already straddling his lap, her legs pressed tightly against his waist, all the while rocking unconsciously in an uneven motion. 'I think we shoul—mmnn, Jesus Sio—retire for, the night—o-oy, I mean it squirt, get a hold of yerself!' _

_'Why wait? Who says it can't be right now?' And suddenly she becomes the seductress, just a touch of Nobunagun peeking out from the alcohol's effect. 'My parents are heavy sleepers, and all I see, is the moon…' Her voice, eyes, everything about her is absolutely mesmerizing when she's bathed in the moon's pale hues, especially when she sheds the top half of her robe and firmly pushes him onto his back._

It doesn't matter that they were too drunk and tired afterwards to even journey back into their rooms and instead they fell asleep on a wrinkled pile of robes, and though the morning after is still one of the most embarrassing moments in his life—needless to say her parents had not been pleased discovering the two of them the next day—looking back, it is also one of his best memories.

"_Aah, Asao-chan, hisashiburi!_" The door opens and the two children run towards the newcomer, shrieking with delight as their 'aunt' presents them with even more presents, including a decorative sash for each to go with their yukatas. For this particular year, they decide to see Kaoru as well, for it has been quite a while, and she is just as devoted to his children as any of them.

He hears the Japanese woman greet his in-laws with friendly tones, and it isn't long before her footsteps trail closer until he knows she is standing right next to him.

"_Hisashiburi, Jack-san_."

"_Asao-san…hisashiburi_." It has been a while, indeed. How is it that out of all the people close to Sio, she was the only one who did not express any sort of anger or resentment towards him, he'll never know. Instead, she is the only one who just accepts it, acknowledges it for what it is and then continues to steadfastly believe in him, even when he doesn't believe in himself.

"Oh, I almost forgot—here, I thought you and the children might like some chestnuts to take back with you," and she gives him a little bag that is impeccably tied with a ribbon. He accepts it with a nod, and makes a mental note to save some for the others on his platoon as well. "May I sit?"

"Yeh don't have t' be so formal, y'know." She shrugs and takes a seat, her long black hair put into an elegant bun that perfectly accompanies her lavender-blue yukata. Everything about her is perfect and beautiful: her manners, the grace with which she carriers herself, even her personality—conservative, kind, and understanding. That's not even mentioning her appearance, classic Japanese beauty at its best, with her jet-black hair, large eyes, and the perfect hourglass figure.

Ironically, it is that perfection that prevents him from being attracted in any way, shape or form to her. But he comes to understand just why Sio was so infatuated with her since the beginning, and just how much this girl treasures her in return. For despite her looks and mannerisms, either of which would be enough to set many a tongue aboard the _A. Logan_ wagging, she only cares about her friends, and in that love there is an unshakable trust that still holds to this day.

"…There hasn't been a change, has there." She delicately pours two cups of sake, and though he's had about enough for the night, he accepts anyway.

"…No. Not yet…" Just before he'd left, Vidocq had left a short message saying they'd managed to shave something off, though the results were rather negligible—five years, at most. He smirks wryly into his cup—yeah, five years, that would be a big help.

"Something wrong?"

"_Iya_, just…" Should he even bother telling her? Five years may not be a lot in the long run, but it's still something. "…It's hard to know…whether or not, you're doin' the right thing. Whether or not it's worth…holding on to memories that, maybe are better left to be forgotten."

Her delicate features furrow, and for a moment he wonders if he's being too bitter. "…Jack-san. Perhaps it's not my place to say this, but…I don't think you're the type of man who will just give up so easily, just because it's hard." She turns her attention fully towards him, eyes set in a determined gaze. "When I first saw you, after you saved the hospital, I told Sio, that you two were the strongest people I'd ever met. And I know I'm right, because otherwise I wouldn't be here right now, being called Auntie Kaoru and thinking about the day where I'll see Sio again, and tell her how beautiful and lovely her children have become."

"…Yeh really believe it, don't ya?" Guilt creeps into his veins, ashamed that this woman, who doesn't even get to see his kids like he does every day, still believes more strongly than he, her own husband, does at times.

"Of course. And I know you do as well; even when you say you don't."

"…Can't believe I'm sayin' this, but I actually envy yeh…t' still have hope, in spite of such odds…"

"You flatter me, Jack-san, but I think, I should be the one who envies you," he raises an eyebrow, and she turns away, slightly embarrassed. "No, in fact, when you first…told me what happened, my first thought was that I should've never let Sio go; that if only I hadn't let her join DOGOO, then she'd still be with me. But you, you…continued to preserve forward, still continue to fight, to raise two children all by yourself, all because you refuse to accept the fact that Sio is gone forever. So really, it's because of your faith that I'm able to maintain my own."

The sake cup is half empty before he is able to figure out how to respond to that. "Tch…I'd say it's prolly closer to pure stubbornness rather than anythin' else…" Though inwardly he is glad, to know that even as someone as crappy as him can inspire such hope in others.

She lets out an amused giggle. "Well, certainly Sio did mention your stubbornness a number of times. Including the first time she celebrated _Tsukimi_ with you, right here." He turns a bright red, even more so than the sake's effect, much to Asao's amusement. "She insisted you were too tired to carry her back."

"Hah, like hell I was—she was the one who didn't wanna budge."

Just then, his daughter shuffles over on her too-long yukata, tugging at Asao and insisting that she can't get the obi on by herself, can Auntie help? With a nod, she excuses herself and the two of them go off in front of the mirror, and just as he thinks he can finally have some time to himself, his son sits himself down right in the empty space.

"_Tou-san_, can I try some sake?"

"No, you're not old enough and 'sides, I already gave yeh a taste."

"Aww…" The boy kicks his feet, but doesn't make any more requests. "Hey, the moon's the same color as your hair—silver! Why do you have silver hair, tou-san? I thought only old people like grandpa an' grandmum have grey hair." He peers closer. "Are you old?"

"Oy—I may be yer father, but I'm not that old!" He's not even anywhere close to forty yet, no matter which way you interpreted that, certainly it would not be considered 'old'. "It's an, uh, genetic thing. Though, I didn't always have it, actually…"

"Really?"

"Yeh. When I was yer age I actually had brown hair like you, too."

"What happened to it?"

A certain e-gene happened, that was what. "Uh, it changed…after I joined DOGOO. Apparently e-genes can do that."

"Ooohh. That's actually kinda cool." They both stare at the moon for a few more minutes, before the silence breaks once again. "Hey, do you think Mummy can come with us next year?"

"…I don't know. Probably not."

"Oh." Somehow he remains unfazed by the coldness of reality. "Well, what about the year after that?"

"…Hey, listen to me, I—"

"—I know, it's unlikely, just like I'll probably never see Mummy again. That's what you're going to say, right?" Suddenly his tone becomes so serious, it was like his son was someone else for a moment. "But I don't think that's true at all. I think—no I know, that one day, no matter how long I have to wait, all four of us can enjoy _Tsukimi_. Because you aren't giving up…right, _tou-san_?"

For the second time in one night he is completely at a loss on what to say. First Asao-san, and now his own son…the sheer amount of faith they have in this barely-conceivable plan, their unrelenting hope…all because he promised that day to never stop hoping, to never give up no matter how insurmountable it seemed. "Yeh…no, you're right. I'm not givin' up; none of us are giving up. So one day, it will be all of us here, together…"

_[That's right, because you are important to me, too…]_

"S-Sio?!" It's just a whisper, but he swears she is right next to him, or at least was, the very air crackling with a kind of feeling he hasn't felt in a long time.

"_Tou-san_? What're you looking at?" Two faces staring back at him, equally confused as he is. Smiling, he shakes his head and gestures for the two of them to sit, which they do—or rather, one claims his lap and the other has to settle for being draped against his shoulders instead.

"_Nee_, when Mummy gets better, we should tell her about everything that's happened!"

"Like what?"

A warmth, like an ember that will slowly but surely grow with time, fanning throughout his body until at last he feels certain, that there is no doubt, she will return to them one day. It is the emotion they call 'hope', intangible yet indispensable, more powerful than any weapon or technology.

"Well, 'f yer really wanna tell her everythin', then we've gotta go back—

—to the beginning."


	10. THEN--grief

**A/N: I lied; I started fleshing out more of the time period between where Adam has to immediately deal with losing Sio and then being able to pull himself out of that grief. So chronologically within the story, this takes place immediately after "The Importance of Life", but still a few years before the all of the 'now' stories that are written in present-tense.**

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><p>No press—that was the one thing Commander Iyo had demanded—but it seemed her efforts were for naught, judging from the crowd that had gathered around the airfield even before the helicopter had landed. Many of them were probably just well-wishers who had come to show their support for one of the 'national heroes' after DOGOO had released an official statement outlining the outcomes of that disastrous mission—but no doubt there was a good portion who were just there for the fuss, to catch a glimpse at the infamous "Dark Angel" himself, and even a peek at his intensely private family life.<p>

"_Tou-san_, why're there so many people?"

"Just ignore 'em."

"…okay…" He sighed, regretting using such a sharp tone with his son, but the exhaustion and stress were already causing him to be on full-tilt for more than 24-hours. That, and now there was an entire crowd of…sightseers, and just _too many people in general_—he grit his teeth when the helicopter finally landed, luckily St. Germain having thought well enough in advance to pull the limo right next to the landing pad, so they would only have to endure it for a short time.

Heaving the duffle over one shoulder while making sure the baby was tucked in safely, he was about to lead the way when a pull stopped him.

"_T-Tou-san_…I, I don't wanna…" Large emeralds were starting to water, and suddenly he felt like that himself, so frustrated and tired at everything and wishing someone else could just take care of him instead.

_But you're an adult now; a parent. This is your responsibility._ Heaving a sigh, he took a few moments to compose himself (because he had to be strong, for them) and offered his best reassuring smile.

"Hey, what's wrong? Don't tell me yeh don't wanna see grandmum?"

The boy shook his head. "N-No, I do…but, strangers…" He glanced tearfully at the crowd, which seemed all the more menacing now that they were on the ground.

"Don't you worry; I'll be here the whole time, 'kay? I'll protect yeh." He ruffled the fine auburn strands on his son's head and took his hand. "I promise."

"Jack, the vehicle is ready to go. We can depart whenever you're ready." Like a shadow did St. Germain appear, taking the duffle from him and showing the way out.

"C'mon squirt, it'll be all right."

At least DOGOO had provided enough security to give them a sizable amount of space, but nevertheless even after they settled into the car with tinted windows, he could still hear their buzzing jabbers, about how tragic the Dark Angel's loss was, widowed (not entirely true) and left with not one, but two young children. And there were also those lesser words, the filth that, no matter how many years had passed and how hard they had fought to keep the world in the relative state it was now, that hissed past his ears; about how this was his punishment, his sin of merely _existing_ as the reincarnation London's most-hated individual.

About how he deserved to suffer for the rest of his life.

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><p>The outskirts of London proper, the southern district of Greenwich; this was his place of birth, where he'd spent the majority of his life being the sullen-yet-ace student, getting into scrapes and not knowing what his life was going to be, before being whisked away to some secret military organization, only keeping in the most minimum of contact with his mother that, as time passed, grew more and more scarce. Come to think of it, what was it that the Commander had said to him right before he'd left—that his mother had 'requested' his presence home?<p>

_'Probably more like demanded, knowin' her…'_ Even as he'd gone through all the phases—moody awkward teenager, national hero on the cusp of manhood, then (surprisingly) a loving husband, and now, a single father. And through it all, she never once batted an eyelash or showed anything other than full, proud support for all the hurdles that he'd managed to jump over so far.

Surely, she must already know…what had happened to Sio…

"Uwaaa, look! It's a birdy!" Eager fingers pointed at the rare black swan that had waddled closer to the limo as they pulled to a stop, the River Thames but a stone's throw away, curious perhaps as to what this car was doing in its territory. "Here, birdy…"

"Careful, they don't like it 'f yeh get too close…" Hastily he pulled the child back, just before the swan reared up and flapped its wings, the boy crying and shrinking back before burying his face in his father's leg. "It's all right, just leave 'em alone…"

"I don't think I like birdy anymore…" Sniffling, he sulked while Adam ruffled his hair and shifted the still-sleeping infant in his arms.

"Yeh, they're flashy an' all, but not the nicest of temperaments…" After all, he could vouch from personal experience.

Whoever claimed that swans were graceful and nice creatures clearly never had their arm fractured by one as a child.

"…Jack. A word if you will, before I depart." The glasses glinting in the fading sunlight, obscuring his eyes.

What now? What more was there to say? But he was so tired, just the events of the past 24 hours taking everything from him… "Yeh?"

"As the Commander has said, we have not set a timeframe on your convalescence period. And as this is such a…unique case, we want to make sure you take enough time to recover both physically and…emotionally." The glasses were pushed up and Adam sensed the secondary point, the underlying message they always liked to put last.

"…And?"

"…If…you decide that, you no longer wish to be a part of DOGOO…we will accept that decision. The choice has, after all, been yours and yours alone."

So, they feared he would never return…though he could understand their sentiments, where they were coming from—and hell if he was any less of a man than he was now he'd probably want to wash his hands of this entire incident. But here and now, after all the blood, sweat and tears that had been irrefutably poured into this fight, because he and Sio had both agreed—this was necessary, not just for them but for their children, the future. Without realizing it, he growled low in the back of his throat, and St. Germain's faced showed, for the first time since he'd known him, a sliver of unease.

"We are not saying that you would abandon the organization, Jack. But, we want you to be aware of all your options…"

"Tch…'f yer worried about losing 'Jack the Ripper'…don't bother gettin' yer knickers in a twist. I'll be back. You can count on it."

"…Very well then. Please take care…Adam Muirhead." And that cool, controlled mask was back, white gloves as impeccable as ever as he gently patted the boy on his head, before bowing to the man and then getting back in and driving away as if nothing had ever happened.

Even after all these years, that pathway up to the small cottage he'd grown up in hadn't changed; the vines just as, if not more, overgrown, hanging low over the small wooden gate as he ducked underneath. 'I wonder if she's expectin' us…' Nothing more to lose, he gently knocked, and the door immediately swung open.

There were no words to be exchanged; he simply stared, almost not believing that just a day ago he was laying his wife to rest in near-permanent stasis, and now suddenly he was back in his home, his mother still there and well—as well as one could be, getting on in years. Her hair, now streaked with silver as well, and for some reason his mind noted that it matched his now, the brown nearly all gone.

"…Welcome home, Adam."

"Grandmum!" Oh, the blissful simplicity of a child's mind, as she eagerly scooped up the toddling boy and gently led him in, he himself still trying to comprehend everything in an orderly manner that was slipping hard and fast as the memories of his own home, family, life—threatening to break that fragile mask he'd been forced to put on.

It hadn't changed at all. The rugs, the chair, the table—even his room was practically untouched, save for the thick layer of dust over the windowsill that reflected its lack of inhabitants. The mantels were lined with photos, a timeline of his existence, and each and every single letter that he'd sent (when he remembered)—all carefully displayed.

"So, when were you going to inform me of my second grandchild?" The wedding photograph nearly fell from his grasp but he caught himself in time, as she gently rocked the baby before settling her into the crib.

"I—sorry; things were, she…wasn't supposed to come…so early…" Weak, he felt so weak all of a sudden as the events started tumble, fall, images and scenes and voices over and over—

"—shh, it's all right, it's all right…you're home, Adam…" He didn't even realize he was swaying until he felt his mother's arms around him, cradling his head and a surge of nostalgia threatened so strong but he couldn't—what kind of grown man broke down—but just everything that had happened and now he was _home_—

"S-Sio…she…an' it just…I didn't…know what t' say…" To his horror his vision was blurring with moisture; maybe he should stop talking because it was getting so hard to keep those emotions under wraps, to have to keep bearing that burden—

"—I know, I know; your Commander told me everything, after that public report…" His head was aching and everything was so tired and it hurt and somehow he was lying sideways on the bed now, though he didn't know how he got there.

"…I failed…I failed Sio…" His wound throbbed and he knew he should tell his mother, about what Hunter had told him before they left but first he had to tell her about what happened, why he hadn't been in touch and also, his children—were they okay now—

_…Everything…he had to do everything, had to take care of it right now…_

"Shh, no you didn't, Adam…it will be all right. I promise…"

No, it wouldn't be; at least, that was not what he felt now. But enough was enough, and even for someone like him, there is only so much a person can take before they reach that tipping point, and reincarnation or not, Adam was no exception. With a strangled gasp, he cried, one tear then two then a whole streak running down his face as all those feelings he kept pushing away, the fear and anger and anxiety and doubts that piled up, up up until he finally broke.

"Oh, Adam…it's okay. Don't worry, things will work out okay…I know they will…" He could hardly hear his mother through his sobs, and he hated showing any sign of weakness, even to his own mother—but he couldn't seem to stop; now that everything had finally passed over, the weight of the very real possibility of spending the rest of his life without Sio seemed to fully sink in, the ache unbearably painful, even more than his physical wound. The harder he cried, the more it hurt, but somehow he couldn't stop thinking—of all the things he did wrong, should've could've would've… He tried to hold them back but his body had reached its limit and he let out an animal-like groan, both from the physical and mental anguish.

_You will be alone for the rest of your life. That is your fate._

"Adam? Are you all right?" His mother had been alarmed by his sudden retreat, pushing himself off and onto the musty sheets as he curled onto his side, trying not to moan in pain. "Adam! You're still wounded…badly, at that."

"Y-Yeh…C-Command, they…thought it'd be best t' get some…distance, ASAP…_hnnng_…"

He could hear her muttering under her breath, cursing at those idiots at DOGOO—what were they thinking, letting a man who was barely able to walk on his own out of the hospital—but he knew that she was relieved at his return. "I'll unpack your things and look them over; in the meantime, try and get some rest; you haven't slept much, have you?"

"Nah, I'll—_hnn_—do it, myself…yeh should, just, take care of—" Since when was he unable to sit himself up? The dizziness returned with a vengeance and he had to lay his head back down, nevermind the pillow was wet with tears.

"Adam! Don't be foolish; you're in no condition to do anything but _rest_. You've done more than enough already; please, I can take care of everything else." She was already unfolding the comforter and sweeping his hair back, gently wiping his tears before placing a cool towel on his feverish forehead as he struggled with the waves of exhaustion that were washing over him. "…I raised you all on my own, and look at how well you turned out. I think I can handle a toddler and an infant."

Turned out well? Maybe a few years ago, he would've actually agreed but not right now; and he wanted to tell her this, that he royally screwed up, because Sio never should've gone on that mission in the first place but his voice didn't seem to be working, in fact nothing seemed to be working at all—

"Shh, just go to sleep. We'll be here when you wake up."


End file.
